Spintown: Song Fu #5: Round 1

Spintown: Song Fu #5: Round 1


This very nice person liked my song!!! Thanks.

He also has links to the videos made by other people.

Beware, I have not heard them all - they may contain offensive language.

Enjoy,

Stephen

Song Fu

www.quickstopentertainment.com/2009/11/17/song-fu-5-round-1-voting/


I wrote a song for the current Masters of Song Fu Challenge. Actually, I wrote lyrics for two songs. The first was Dr. Phineas Basalt #240. Good song, but it resisted all my attempts to write a second verse. The second song, the one that I actually posted on the challenge, is #580 Old Uncle Hades. I managed to write complete lyrics and guitar chords for the second song.

If you go and listen to the song, you'll notice that there is no guitar on the track posted. Here's why:

To start with, I didn't have anything to record with other than the USB microphone that came with my Guitar Hero game and Garage Band on the iMac. I went out and got a new microphone (that ended up not sounding as good as the Mic I had), a mic stand (that ended up being incredibly useful), a microphone to USB converter (that was not useful at all), an instrument to USB cable (that would have been much more useful had I written a song with chords that I can play reliably - that is, without any sort of fret buzz), and a couple of USB hubs (that were about as useful as a USB hub can possibly be).

I spent Friday attempting to get the various hissing noises off the guitar track. My mental breakdown started there, I think. I spent Saturday trying to record the guitar track, which didn't happen. I spent most of Sunday trying to record the guitar track, which, again, didn't happen. I finally recorded vocals. Later I tried recording the guitar again, huge mistake! My capacity to multi-task under stress and pressure is apparently non-existent. I had a meltdown and decided that I was done. Not finished, mind you, but done.

The moral of this story is that as much as I love songwriting and performing, recording makes me want to punch babies. Or, at least recording when I don't know what I'm doing makes me want to punch babies. If you want to check out my song it's at the very bottom of the list on the link above. Your votes, if you are so inclined, are appreciated. If I make the cut - I'll try to do it better next time.

Stephen

Reflections on the new year

It's 2009. It used to be 2008, but it is now 2009. 1989 was twenty years ago. Next years 1990 will have been twenty years ago. As I understand it, the system works like this: 10 years ago = the dorky decade that we would rather forget, 30 years ago = too far gone to be worth remembering, and 20 years ago = the best we've ever had. Ergo, next year there should a huge wave of 90's nostalgia, a wave where we will remember great things like... what exactly happened in the 90's?


So, from the perspective of someone who remembers absolutely none of the 90's, here is a list:

* If my parent's DVD collection is any indication, there were lots of romantic comedies (probably kick-started by When Harry Met Sally in 1989); enough that if you assigned a musical instrument to each one, you could start a battle of the orchestras competition.
* There was grunge and lots of it.
* And flannel, lots of flannel (except in the northwest, that wasn't a trend, they've always dressed like that).
* To a lesser extent there was ska-punk and the swing and rockabilly revivals.
* There was the internet (well, technically the internet has existed in one form or another since the 50's, but it just wasn't the same).
* Mainstream hip-hop mostly consisted of gangster rap, but there was also Arrested Development and who doesn't like Arrested Development.
* American comic books were "dark and edgy", but Azumanga Daioh (the best comic ever) started in 1999, so I'm going to count the 90's as an ok decade for comics.
* There great cartoons such as Sonic The Hedghog (SatAM, of course), Superman: The Animated Series, and The Adventures Of Sam And Max: Freelance Police.
* The Travelling Wilburys and Turning Point, my two favourite bands, both released some great music in the early 90's, but they both broke up in 1990 and 1991 respectively, so... yeah.
* Oh yeah, there was also the Clinton impeachment... that was fun.


So, that's the 90's as far as I care about it. Um... yeah.

Stephen

LISTMANIA

I enjoy listing things. Here are some lists.

Painters that I like:

* H.R. Giger
* Salvador Dali
* Andy Warhol
* Jackson Pollock

People with voices that are EPIC:

* Patrick Stewart
* Tim Curry
* James Earl Jones
* Meat Loaf

Bands/artists that I feel obligated to hate but don't:

* My Chemical Romance
* The Jonas Brothers
* Linkin Park
* Celine Dion

You can add your own lists in the comments.

Maniacally,
Stephen

Facts of Life

• A heap of sand consists of two or more grains.
• "How are you?" is a stupid thing to ask if don't want to know how someone is.
• High art is whatever you think it is.
• 4′33″ is the greatest piece of music ever written.
• And finally, I will never get to update my blog as often as I want to.

Merry Christmas everyone, sorry I haven't updated in forever.

MarsCon 2009

MarsCon is going to be here (well, not here, but you know what I mean) in two months and ten days and it is going to be awesome. I'm the opening act for the unnamed-as-far-as-I-know party room hosted by Beth Kinderman and The Player Characters which will be featuring music and music and I think that there might be some music there, I may or may not be co-hosting Radio Free Gallifrey with DJ Phoenix depending on whether or not there is going to be a concert at the time, and Mom just ordered this years fundraiser CD that features your's truly singing a bunch of stuff!

Also: I read Howl by Allen Ginsberg the other day and it reads like an overly verbose Worm Quartet lyric. Don't get me wrong, it's great poetry, it just gives me an odd "where have I seen this before?" feeling.

Something witty,
Stephen

P.S. Something nifty.

I want a sticker!

Apparently, if you vote you get an "I voted sticker". Apparently, if you have an "I voted sticker" you can get free stuff. In various places around the country, an "I voted sticker" is sufficient currency for a free Chik-fil-a sandwich, free Ben & Jerry's ice cream, free coffee at Starbucks, free Krispy Kreme donuts, and free other stuff.

My mother, who did vote, was offered an "I voted sticker". She didn't accept it.

Now I have no excuse to go to Ben & Jerry's. Thanks a lot mom.

Being 12 sucks!

Stephen

PS I realize that all of my ice cream, sandwiches, and coffee are "free" to me. But now I don't have an enticement to get mom to go get them.

PPS I also realize that the purpose of voting is not to receive free stuff, and the historic importance of the 2008 election. But, being 12, the potential for free stuff offered a slightly more immediate incentive than the hope for a new president.

Creepy...

Halloween was a couple of days ago and in that spirit, here's a video that makes me glad I don't live in Australia:



Also: this was taken from a movie made for small children.

I'm glad that's over,

Stephen

Thoughts for October

I bought a guitar, I will hopefully be good enough to actually play music within the next year. I have acquired some harmonica skill thanks to harptabs.com. I'm taking tap dance lessons. I'm trying to figure out whether or not House of Leaves will be worth reading. I haven't updated my blog in a month. I'm currently listening to The New Amsterdams and they're better than an emo band has any right to be.

What's new with you guys?

Stephen

September sound off....

I'm sorry that I haven't updated in the last couple of months, I was at my grandma's house (where the internet moves at a sloth's pace) in July and I was playing video games through most of August. I've been trying to relegate my random musings to my Livejournal, but it turns out that random musings were the backbone of my blog (seriously, go back, read the archives, and compare the number of random musings to other kinds of post), so I've decided to keep the musing about comedy music and video in my Livejournal and I'll post the other ramblings here.

On a completely unrelated note, I've been working on a comic strip that I will post on this very blog (y'know, as opposed to some other blog) just as soon as I figure out how.

Also: Dueling Banjos!

Proust for Everyone

I got this from the Occassional Superheroine blog.

The opportunity to talk about myself while simultaneously ripping off a blog I like? Sign me up!

1. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Eternal nothingness.

2. Where would you like to live?
I don’t really care where I live, so long as I have internet access.

3. What is your idea of earthly happiness?
Spontaneously acquiring tons of money and being able to live like The Addams Family.

4. To which faults do you feel most indulgent?
Procrastination.

5. Who is/are your favorite hero/heroes of fiction?
The Doctor, MacGyver, and Batman.

6. Who are your favorite characters in history?
Andy Warhol and Emperor Joshua Norton.

7. Who are your favorite heroines in real life?
The leaders of the feminist movement.

8. Who is/are your favorite heroine/heroines of fiction?
I think Metroid is a real cool guy, eh hunts monsters and doesn’t afraid of anything. More seriously, Chell from Portal, Captain Janeway of the starship Voyager, and Samus Aran from Metroid.

9. Your favorite painters?
Yves Tanguy, and Salvador Dali.

10. Your favorite composers or musicians?
In the interests of brevity, I’m just going to limit this list to musicians in my favourite stack (which also means only people whose CDs I own and am still in possession of the cases for). In no particular order, OK GO, Paul and Storm, Screeching Weasel, Beth Kinderman, Soggy Potato Chips, Carrie Dahlby, DJ Particle, ABBA, The Ramones, Dream Theater, The Velvet Underground and Nico, Tiny Tim, Cream, Buddy Holly, David Bowie, Frank Zappa, and Weezer.

11. Which qualities do you most value in a man?
Intelligence and a sense of humour.

12. Which qualities do you most value in a woman?
Intelligence and a sense of humour.

13. Your favorite virtue?
Not taking oneself too seriously.

14. Your favorite occupation?
Professional nerd (i.e. indie musician).

15. Who would you have liked to be?
Myself.

16. Your most marked characteristic?
My sense of humour.

17. What do you most value in your friends?
I don’t have enough friends to know.

18. What is your principle defect?
I’m sometimes rude when I don’t mean to be, but that’s less my principle defect than my only one.

19. What is your favorite color?
Black.

20. What is your favorite flower?
The Orchid.

21. What is your favorite bird?
Penguins, for they are truly the Sinatra of birds.

22. Who are your favorite prose writers?
Douglas Adams, Norton Juster, Neil Gaiman, and Oscar Wilde.

23. Who are your favorite poets?
Shel Silverstein, Jonathan Coulton, Paul and Storm, Patti Smith, and Alexander Pope.

24. What are your favorite names?
Yo-Yo Ma, Heidi Klum, and Wikipedia.

25. What is it you most dislike?
“Things I dislike” is too broad a category for me to pick just one thing.

26. What historical figure do you most despise?
That guy who shot John Lennon.

27. What event in military history do you most admire?
Britain standing against the Nazis during Word War II.

28. What reform do you most admire?
I don’t know enough about reforms to answer this question.

29. What natural gift would you most like to possess?
Naturally cool hair.

30. How would you like to die?
After having lived a good life, doing something worthwhile.

31. What is your present state of mind?
Happy.

32. What is your motto?
“Life is to short to waste your time thinking up stupid mottos, instead you should waste your time doing something else.”

Effectively wasting time elsewhere,

Stephen

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Truth and Consequences: Take 2

I like the song Nethack by Rob Balder. I request the song Nethack on my favourite Dementia Radio shows. A lot.

Through no fault of my own, Blasted Bill had a fight with Rob and won't play any of his songs, including Nethack.

Through some fault of my own (an none of DJ Phoenix's), DJ Phoenix has gotten tired of my requests and wants to play any song other than Nethack.

On a completely unrelated note, I suck at Nethack (the game not the song).

I have to get this under control before they stop playing Nethack on the Dementia Radio random cast too.

Or, before they ban me altogether!

If at first you don't succeed, perseverate.

Solidly on the spectrum,
Stephen

Neurodiversity

I have been loosely following a debate between Autism experts and neurodiversity proponents. Essentially, the autism experts want to "cure autism" and rid the world of this disorder and its consequences while the neurodiversity proponents want to "celebrate atypical brain function as a positive identity, not a disability" (Solomon, 2008).

Education Week reporter, Christina Samuels, asked this question from an educator's perspective in her On Special Education blog:

What would that mean for educators, I wonder? "Anti-cure doesn't mean anti-progress," said one of the leaders of this movement, Ari Ne'eman. And a mother quoted in the story says that some of the treatments her son has undergone are a waste of time, and she'd like to see better services for him.

But Thomas Insel, director of the National Institute of Mental Health, cautions against "romanticizing" and "trivializing" mental disorders. Children with autism are not merely shy loners, he says.

I think we can all get behind the idea of treating a child as something more than a bundle of defects that must be fixed. Is the idea of neurodiversity and groups like the Autistic Self Advocacy Network moving too far in a direction that leads away from appropriate treatment?

I don't usually take sides on these kinds of things, but here is my response:

"I think we can all get behind the idea of treating a child as something more than a bundle of defects that must be fixed."

Thank you. I agree wholeheartedly that I and children like me, are much more than the sum of our parts - and those parts are not deficient. Autism affects my personality but it is not a defect.

"Is the idea of neurodiversity and groups like the Autistic Self Advocacy Network moving too far in a direction that leads away from appropriate treatment?"

However, this question offends me. Neurodiversity isn't simply an idea or a proposed policy - it is an actual reflection of life as it is. Human beings ARE diverse. Physical differences, mental differences, emotional differences exist and play out in myriad ways. Neurodiversity is simply another manifestation of the human condition.

There is no appropriate discussion to be had on whether groups such as the Autism Self Advocacy Network are moving in the "right" direction. Self-advocacy is, by definition, defined by those who are advocating on their own behalf. No one outside the group has standing to determine what group members feel is important to advocate. As a member of the target class, I can tell you that advocating for acceptance of who I am, as I am, is incredibly important just as it is in any civil rights struggle.

My bias in this discussion is that I am a 12 year-old kid with Asperger's/autism. I am considered "highly functioning" and a gifted learner but I do struggle with functioning in society and social situations. I failed dismally in public education. Or rather, public education failed me.

I experienced little acceptance and no respect from the educators I encountered in public school. The emphasis in all of the IEPs, behavior modifications plans, and treatments ever written on my behalf were to make me and my behavior "normal". It was more important that I appear like everyone else than it was to help me understand social conventions and determine whether I needed/wanted to conform in any specific instance. Adults are generally given the opportunity to choose from among numerous avenues of acceptable behavior within society, but children are not. Children identified as special needs have even fewer options - their only goals are defined in terms of how well they meet norms, rather than how well they develop, grow, learn and expand as individuals.

I empathize with parents whose children cannot interact or function as a result of autism or other disorder. However, respect for differences and diversity not only offers a starting place for those children to grow, live, and thrive - it also opens up a whole new realm of possibilities for achievements and accomplishments that would not be possible for a neurotypical child.

"Appropriate treatment" is not possible unless and until educators adopt a policy of unfailing respect for the individual. Progress is more important than a cure. Acceptance of difference is more important than achieving normalcy. Tolerance is not good enough because it demands change or at least movement toward an external norm.

I deserve acceptance and respect as I am.

Stephen


TrackBacks:

http://blogs.edweek.org/edweek/speced/2008/06/neurodiversity.html
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/OnCall/story?id=5033594&page=1
http://nymag.com/news/features/47225/

Yet another parody of "Still Alive"

Here are the lyrics to my new parody of Jonathan Coulton's Still Alive. I actually thought about writing Still a Nerd - but I thought that would be stupid. Now, of course, I've learned that Tom Smith wrote it anyway, I'm really glad I didn't do. I don't want to compete with Tom Smith!

So, without any ado at all, here are the lyrics to my new song:

This Song's not Funny by Gifted Gear:

This song’s not funny
I’m sorry, I tried, I did my best
It’s hard to overstate my frustration
With my lack of humour
The one joke I had just didn’t scan
And I’m sorry to report that even that joke was bad

So, I’m sitting here thinking about what I should write
I’ll just keep on trying if it takes me all night
I’ll find the right rhyme for a decent punch line
and upload this song onto the FuMP

Why am I trying?
Writing this song won’t make me rich
It’s not enough to bring me fame or fan girls
But, maybe an album
That could be just the start I need
But first I have to think of something funny to write

They say there is nothing new beneath the sun
All the jokes coming to mind have already been done
Nobody cares about the chicken or why he crossed the road
Because that joke is really, really old

Go ahead and say it

These jokes are lame and old and stale
I need to find a funny new perspective

I need something novel
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Who cares! It’s been done

Anyway the sun is up oh look at how the time flies

Here I am still talking, when there's more I should write
I’ve got nothing done although it took me all night
I’m running out of time and I still can’t find a rhyme
I guess it’s time that I give up!

This Song's not Funny is the first tune in my new rock opera. Code name: Faust for Dementites. A dude who wants to be a comedy singer sells his soul to the devil to be able to write the funniest songs ever. Some other stuff happens and then the dude challenges the devil to a "rock-off". I'm hoping for guest stars.... I'd love to hear Tom Smith cover Sympathy for the Devil as the villain-introduction song!

Humming 80's chords,
Stephen

Inane babblings...

It's Friday night... The Show With The Funny Name is over, I’m expecting to hear the Doctor Who theme...

What I heard was a techno remix of the Happy Days theme followed by Working For The Weekend by Loverboy. The sheer unexpectedness of this made it one of the funniest things ever. It turned out that it was actually an hour earlier than I thought it was, and that Mr. Tuesday now has a show on my favourite day of the week (that would be Friday, BTW). Now, more than ever, Friday is made of win!

I have a question for my more Dementia-savvy readers: Is the song Dear God by Worm Quartet a biting satire about the kind of people who pray about every little thing or is it just ShoEboX being weird? I mean, we are talking about the guy who wrote Pac-Man Is Naked And So Should You and Call Me Jennifer And Steal My Stapler. He’s also the guy wrote the excellent satirical songs C Is For Lettuce and What Your Parents Think All Your Music Sounds Like… so, yeah.

Another question for my readers: What would happen if an unstoppable force found an immovable object in it’s way?

Nightwish is going to be performing in Dallas in a couple of months, hopefully I’ll get to see them.

I went to see Iron Man and lo, it was good.

I wrote a song (well I parodied a song that Jonathan Coulton wrote, anyway), I just need to get some music for it and get it recorded and it shall be on the FuMP Sideshow in no time.

I’m trying a to start a podcast, but I need to find some software to record it on. Suggestions are welcome.

There’s a chance that I might get to go to Con On The Cob.

I shall, at some point in the semi-near future, start selling Gifted Gear t-shirts.

I’ve been drawing a comic strip, I just need to stop being lazy, scan them into the computer and post them on my blog.

So, anyway those were all the things I wanted to get out there, but didn’t think were worthy of a post all on their own.

And now: Bob Dylan

Um… yeah,

Stephen

Music - Part 2: This time it's personal...

I did a post on music a while back called "Music – Part 1" and I have yet to follow it up, so here is a listing of my favourite CDs and brief descriptions of them:

Disraeli Gears by Cream: Cream was sort of like a British version of The Jimi Hendrix Experience (the main difference being that Cream had the better guitarist and The Jimi Hendrix Experience had the better vocalist), they both have a very bluesy, rather psychedelic type sound. This CD also holds the title of "really great music to play video games to".

All of My Heroes Are Villains by Beth Kinderman: A rather nifty singer-songwriter-y kind of awesome. The song Valley is not to be missed, even if you don't have or don't plan on getting the album, go to www.bethkinderman.com and listen to the song, seriously, it's a great song (if a rather downbeat one).

In Stereo by Soggy Potato Chips: It is absolutely hilarious to listen to Alchav scream "headache, headache, headache, headache, headache, I've got a headache!" repeatedly; that says everything you need to know about Soggy Potato Chips.

Score by Dream Theatre: Progressive Rock as it should be, very loud and very energetic with all the long solos and nonsensical lyrics that make this genre so great.

The Velvet Underground and Nico by The Velvet Underground and Nico: A fun little record full of catchy and memorable songs. Also: a subject of controversy back in the days when sex and drugs weren't something you could hear about in every other song on the radio.

Shiny Round Thing Inside by DJ Particle: I don't think that saying that DJ Particle rocks like a rocking thing that rocks is accurate, I think it should be said that a rocking thing that rocks rocks like DJ Particle. In case you find the preceding sentence confusing, I'm saying that DJ Particle (and thus this CD) rocks.

The Blue Album by Weezer: Ah, Weezer, devotees of the ever-so-incredibly-awesome school of Cheap Trick-esque guitar pop, there isn't really much to be said about them except that they were a bright spot in the otherwise dingy world of the 90's mainstream music scene.

The Definitive Collection by ABBA: What am I supposed to say? It's ABBA, the greatest Pop group ever! If Elton John is the King of Pop, then ABBA were the King's royal advisors or something! In a word: they were great.

Happy Ranch by Carrie Dahlby: Carrie Dahlby, the only person to have successfully parodied both Simon and Garfunkel and Gilbert and Sullivan, the Dementia Smackdown women's champion, and generally really good at what she does.

Hunky Dory by David Bowie: Essentially David Bowie's singer-songwriter album, there is the one rocker on this album, but it's mostly acoustic. As an aside I would like to mention Bowie's Bright Orange Mullet of Doom that he wears on the cover and in the pictures in the liner notes, I have nothing to say about it, I would just like to point out that he's wearing a bright orange mullet. Also: I think "Bright Orange Mullet of Doom" would make a great name for a Worm Quartet song.

Freak Out by The Mothers of Invention: This is one of those albums that can be divided into two roughly equal halves, in this case the halves consist of a bunch of off-beat pop songs on one half and a bunch of freaky, experimental songs on the other half; I bought it for the freaky, experimental half, but I kept listening more for the catchy, popish half.

Live! At The Royal Albert Hall by Tiny Tim: The easiest way to describe this album: everything great about Pop music rolled in one Incredibly awesome package.

So there you have it, my favourite CDs and, more importantly, an excuse to title a post "Music – Part 2: This Time It's Personal"

Clever Signoff,

--Stephen

P.S. I would like to point out that the word "awesome" is, in most modern contexts, a lot funnier when you think of it's original meaning which described something that "instills one with a sense of awe". Now you know why I use the word "awesome" so much.

The most important person in the world - A MarsCon Report

Here is the report from my first ever MarsCon!!! (The best birthday present EVER!)

Day One

I volunteered for a bit. Worked 3.5 hours at the Consuite and Registration. It was pretty fun. I got to talk to people. It’s a little like stalking without scaring people. For example, I share a birthday with Carrie Dahlby. Didn’t know that. I got to see all of the people I know of from the “dementia scene” – Luke Ski, Carrie Dahlby, Hot Waffles (and Tim’s Banjo), Tak, Alchav and Kristi, Eric Coleman, Beth Kinderman, Jared Ringold, Bill Putt, and I’m sure there were others. If being in the presence of the “cool people” and talking to some of them wasn’t enough - I got a cool shiny button from the Martian Militia. (PS Since I don’t have my own stuff to sell yet, everybody go to these people’s websites and buy something!)

I ran into Alchav downstairs in the hotel and he invited me to the Dementia Dinner. Bill was taking pictures in the lobby and having people dance for his own amusement – there may be a video of me out there somewhere dancing like a fool because Bill Putt said to. Dinner was fun – although completely inexplicable to someone who wasn’t there. I sat with CRoses, ameangirl (not a typo or commentary on her personality – just her badge name), DJ Particle, and DJ Phoenix. Eric Coleman and Davroz rotated through my table. The food was pretty good – I ate fettucini alfredo four nights in a row. And the servers were very tolerant if somewhat slow. Half of the servers looked somewhat scared whenever they had to approach our group. The others seemed to be having fun.

I attended Opening Ceremonies. There was a skit. Skits are okay. It wasn’t Monty Python. But nothing is. I had to do several skits for Boy Scouts. I liked the Opening Ceremonies skit better – it had video game characters. Yay Pac-Man!

Between Opening Ceremonies and the first dementia concerts, I did the only non-comedy music programming I attended all weekend. I had to show up – it was my idea and I was on the panel. “How to Survive the Inevitable Zombie Apocalypse.” Props to Kevin and Brian. They really did all of the hard work with the movie reviews and the power point presentation. I got to play middle ground, ask questions, sit up front, and pantomime zombie attacks. All fun! I had no idea what to expect or how it would go, but I really liked it. I think it went pretty well. I couldn’t have hosted it by myself. Oh and I got a new book for my reading list – The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks. Mostly I got to wear my very cool Night of the Living Dead t-shirt. w00t!

The Dementia Track concerts:

The first night of concerts featured Beth Kinderman, Eric Coleman, Worm Quartet, and The Gothcicles.

Beth Kinderman is not all that demented. She has a geeky singer-song writer acoustic vibe (sort of like Jonathan Coulton). She is, however, awesome. Very awesome. My favorite Beth Kinderman song is Valley.

Eric Coleman sounds like what I’ll probably sound like when I grow up. He stops his songs occasionally to talk, make pithy comments, be funny, have side bars. The odd thing is I usually stop my pithy comments to sing…. I actually didn’t recognize him until he started singing The Only Coffee House in Town. I was so glad we didn’t skip his concert. He was great.

As if I didn’t have enough proof that my parents are cool, my mom sat with me through a whole Worm Quartet concert. Worm Quartet is… Worm Quartet is…. Worm Quartet is not for the faint of heart. It would be too easy to describe Worm Quartet as a guy with a mullet screaming over pre-recorded synthesizer tracks. However, proof does exist that beyond being extremely funny and profane (and awesome!) – ShoEboX can actually sing well. My favorite song was What Your Parents Think All Your Music Sounds Like. However, I was not allowed to get the button. Just because mom would tolerate the insanity – doesn’t mean she’ll let me take the insanity home with me.

Then there are The Gothcicles. Again, their show was awesome. Their music was awesome. It was late at night though. I am supposed to be asleep by 10 p.m. I saw about half of the concert but I missed their performance with Sudden Death.

I finally calmed down enough to fall asleep around 1:30 a.m. What a blast of a day!!!

Day Two

Breakfast at the hotel was pretty bad. If it hadn’t been free – I doubt that I would have forced myself to eat any of it. Don’t get me wrong. Unlimited free bacon is hardly ever a bad thing (see Bacon!, below). But, I do like my breakfast bacon with other edibles.

Saturday was pretty slow until the concerts started. We looked around the dealer’s room. There were a lot of things my sister would have liked… a bunch of shiny stuff, a Luke Ski album here and there, and some Star Trek memorabilia. Ok, it was stuff I would have liked. But I was saving my money for CDs.

The Dementia Concerts (part 2)

Rob Balder, Sudden Death, Paul and Storm, Possible Oscar, and Hot Waffles (with Tim’s Banjo) performed on Saturday.

Rob Balder gave an outstanding performance. He opened with my mom’s favorite song Always a Goth Chick to Me. ‘Twas Awesome. ‘Twas very, very awesome. During the song Give It Away he threw CDs into the audience. I didn’t get one – but it was still a great set. I also liked the new prop. Rob Balder looks interesting in pink kitty ears. Who knew? The only thing I didn’t like was that he didn’t play Nethack, but the ears nearly made up for it.

Sudden Death was terrific as usual. He did all of my favorites. It was a little disturbing when nateboi took off his t-shirt, but that wasn’t Devo Spice’s fault really. I was hoping other fans (girls) would follow suit – but they tell me I’m too young for that.

Paul and Storm. They were amazing. I had only heard about half of their songs before the concert, so I really enjoyed listening to them. I bought their album because Jonathan Coulton called in the middle of their set and told me to, but I would have anyway. Really.

Possible Oscar had some difficulties getting set up and started. It seemed to bother them a lot more than it bothered me. But then, I’m a fan. Talk Nerdy to Me will always be one of my favorites.

Hot Waffles were the musical Guests of Honor. Tim’s Banjo did a really good job, but Chris’s bass had some technical difficulties. So much so that all future technical difficulties were referred to as “Chris Waffle moments.” Tim and Chris were really great. I wish that all of the dementia artists had an hour or more to perform – but I felt like Hot Waffles really put together a good show and I really enjoyed it.

I met Tak (from Revenge of the Particle) after the concerts. She made my day by telling me that I made her “sucktacular” Friday better. She is undefeated on Dementia Smackdown (the wrestling promotion and not the MarsCon event) – and always will be in my heart!

I didn’t do too much after the concerts. I was hungry and tired and mom wasn’t sure that the 13^th floor was a good place for me to hang out. So, we went to the Prime Rib Buffet in the hotel restaurant and then hung out in our suite. Mostly, I played on the computer and tried to find Dementia Smackdown.

Day Three

Another day, another bad hotel breakfast. At least it was free and had bacon.

The most important thing (for me) was the Dementia Fan Showcase. I was disappointed that DJ Particle didn’t get to do more songs. I originally signed up for the fan showcase specifically because I heard that DJ Particle was going to sing. But, give me an audience and a microphone and I will always sing (as DJ Phoenix learned to her detriment) whether I know the song or not. I got to perform covers of Always a Goth Chick to Me and My Cat is Afraid of the Vacuum Cleaner (which I usually do in harmony with my sister) – with Power Salad in the room listening!!! Yay me. I also got to sing with DJ Phoenix and play fanboy for CRoses. This is the stuff dreams are made of! Everyone was great – Alchav, BreakmanZ, Bill and Davroz, and all the others whose names I don’t know. I only wish I had brought the camcorder so everyone could experience the awesomeness. Next year I will (may?) debut a Gifted Gear original.

Dementia Track Concerts (Part 3):

Art Paul Schlosser, Carrie Dahlby, Power Salad, and the great Luke Ski performed before the Dementia Smackdown (which is not quite the same thing as the wrestling promotion of the same name).

Art Paul Schlosser may be my new favorite dementia artist – if only because he let me go up on stage with him and sing I like my Mother. As I said before, give me an audience and a microphone…..

Carrie Dahlby is one of the main reasons I went to MarsCon. (She's so pretty) She performed with her dad – which I thought was really cool.

Power Salad sang to me. I AM the most important person in the world, you know. He really performs a wild show.

What can I say about the great Luke Ski? He’s another reason I went to MarsCon. He’s a great performer, but I am sorry to report that he is not quite as pretty as Carrie Dahlby. Since he has his own cheering squad, I hope it won’t hurt him for me to say that. My favorite Luke Ski song was Holding Out for Hiro.

A review of the Dementia Smackdown performances wouldn’t be complete without a retelling of all the in-jokes and off-the-cuff remarks. Unfortunately, I can’t possibly replay all of the funny moments here (although I wish I could). Basically, all of the artists did covers, tributes, and lampoons of the other artists’ performances. I will never forget Wyngarde’s performance as the magical Pegasus…

The yolk’s on you,

Stephen

PS I arrived a day early (Thursday) and left a day late (Monday) – but nothing exciting happened.

Here's the thing....

I’ve been thinking about this post for a while now. At least since December when mom said I should write it. It is a review of my experience in undergoing a recent autism evaluation. I’ll admit that it is MUCH more fun to write about MarsCon, the FuMP, Dementia Radio, and all things geeky. And, I’ll get back to those things but this is important too. Especially since it directly reflects my experiences on the Autism Spectrum and my opinions about how I am perceived and treated in the world. And mom said so.

In December, I began a two month process of re-evaluation with a developmental pediatrician who specializes in Autism. I did this for one reason, and one reason only; my parents made me. My first evaluations were done overseas in a Department of Defense elementary school by educators and psychologists. To say that my parents and I found it to be seriously lacking in value is an understatement.

You might think that because we’re from Oregon and I attend a virtual school from home that my parents are more than a little bit alternative – granola, as they say. Nothing could really be further from the truth.

My parents have specific philosophical, political, and cultural values that challenge the existing status quo in parenting and education (see Against School by John Taylor Gatto for one example of what they talk about), but they are really so normal it’s not funny. My sister goes to a public school, Mom was a state-level PTA president, and my dad works for the government. Subversive we are not. Different, maybe. I’ve mentioned before that the series The Big Bang Theory is my life in fast forward.

Anyway….

I began the evaluation with Dr. H in December. It wasn’t really all that exciting – I sat in the room and was asked questions by different people. Dr. H did a physical exam and then on other visits I took IQ tests, and reading tests, and comprehension tests, and performed like a good little monkey. Then, in late January, Dr. H sat with my parents and told them what she had decided about me.

First, I think it’s stupid to evaluate whether someone is on the autistic spectrum if they are not incapacitated by it. Second, I don’t feel that my autism is a disability. I prefer the term disorder to disability (although neither is accurate). Lack of order isn’t necessarily bad for us out of the box thinkers, but lack of ability is unnecessarily limiting. And not true. I feel that I should be evaluated as a person (if at all). Dr. H did not get this. She was specifically not interested in actually having a conversation with me. She definitely didn’t get my jokes.

Dr. H: What are your flaws?

Me: Oh, I’m an egotist. But, of course I have every reason to be because I’m perfect in every way.

Dr. H: Are you kidding?

Me: No, I’m serious. Why would I joke about something like this?

Of course, this was immediately reported to my parents as indicative of my extreme social disability. None of the people who try to understand me and fail get my jokes. Coincidence, I think not. My level of sarcasm and deadpan delivery completely flew over her head – even when my parents said that they were sure I was joking. Note for my future doctors – just because I say I’m serious doesn’t mean that I am.

To paraphrase Will Smith’s character in Hitch – 60% of human communication is body language and 30% is in your tone. Only 10% comes from the words you actually say. Ironically, one of the basic traits that identifies people on the autism spectrum is their inability to correctly interpret social cues. I’ll admit that I have some trouble with this. I’m good with sarcasm, but sometimes I am rude when I don’t mean to be. However, Dr. H missed my social cues completely.

Another trait that Dr. H focused on was my lack of desire to please her or any of the other testers. Well, duh. Why would I? I don’t really care what she thinks of me. I told her this, but she didn’t take me seriously (as opposed to taking me quite seriously when I was, in fact, joking). Apparently there is something in the “normal” human experience that makes people willing to classify others as being superior to or in authority over them – and makes them want to please them. Thanks, I’ll skip that part. Some people are superior to or have authority over me – but they had to earn it!!! It certainly isn’t something I accept from others merely because they are taller or older or have more degrees than me. (There is a whole other topic that I could bring up here regarding people who feel they must bully or otherwise coerce children and the weak into respecting them – but I’ll save that for a rant on why people become teachers…). ((I wouldn’t keep taking cheap shots if other people didn’t make it so darn easy!!!))

Dr. H is very invested in “normal” - like many other medical professionals and educators I know. I always wonder whether they have so much trouble being “normal” themselves that they must become an expert on the subject. If “normal” means being neurotypical, I’m not all that interested. So what if my best ever social experience ever was MarsCon… (MarsCon was awesome, by the way! More later…). So what if my idea of success and interaction defies the “normal” herd mentality. I define success as doing what you love and being able to support yourself with it. That does not require that I go to mainstream school, major in business at an Ivy-league college, or work as a drone in any capacity.

So here is my review (an evaluation evaluation, as it were) of Dr. H and the recent bout of autism-related testing I underwent. Dr. H and her staff seemed nice. She made more of an effort to understand me than most people do. If you have reason to hire a developmental pediatrician in south Texas, she’s good – probably better than most. She may or may not be higher on the autism spectrum than I am. But, don’t expect her to understand or validate any attempt to defy the expectations of “normal.” She is the expert after all.

Bleh,

Stephen

Da da dah

The first day of International Dadaism Month was on February 4. I was planning to deviate from the norm and actually post something for International Dadaism Month but, obviously, I didn’t make it. So, unless you want to wait for the second day of International Dadaism Month (April 1^st) -- here’s my post.

My birthday is on February 22^nd, which just happens to be the day that Dementia Wrestling (more on that in a bit) is running their winter Click-Per-View. I’m going to be presenting at a science fiction convention (more on that in a bit too). Also, I discovered an awesome new (for me) band, so all in all, life is going pretty well!

I am really excited to be going to the science fiction convention in a few weeks. This one has a really good Dementia track. Dementia is comedy music, derived from Dr. Demento, which is the entire reason that I’m going… That, and the fact that I’m hosting a discussion on how to survive the inevitable zombie apocalypse. In addition to the fact that I’m presenting at a major event, I’m getting this really nice Night Of The Living Dead movie poster shirt to wear to the convention. Yes, I am flying from Texas (where it’s always too hot, even in midwinter) up north to where (according to My Mother, Jeff Foxworthy, and every Weather prediction I’ve bothered to read) it is incredibly cold in the dead of winter. No. I am not crazy. No. I do not plan on leaving the hotel. Yes. I realize that flying across the country to listen to a bunch of singers that almost nobody outside of the comedy music cult (which, by the way, is not a literal cult) has ever heard of makes me a humongous nerd. And, no. I don’t care.

I found a really nifty internet show called Dementia Smackdown which, essentially, consists of videogame characters that look like my favourite singers beating each other up. It’s really awesome! There’s also Dementia Raw which features videogame characters who, I assume, look like my favourite comedy DJs (I don’t know, because the only ones I’ve actually seen are the ones who are also singers) beating each other up. It’s like professional wrestling, but with 80% less talking and 108% more nerdiness! Having said all this, I should probably provide you guys with a link or four: go to hosted.filefront.com/DementiaSmackdo for the show and to www.thefump.com, www.consortiumofgenius.com, and www.dementiaradio.org for the music that the show was based on.

In other news, Weezer has replaced They Might Be Giants (who, in turn, replaced Queen) as my favourite band. I think I might have signed up for a few too many newsletters when I get six to ten emails a day from people I’ve never met personally. I have officially decided to scale back my webcomics reading from the 50 I had been reading to around 5. Greek and The Big Bang Theory (which, contrary to popular belief, is NOT based on my life) will both be back on TV soon on account of the Writers’ Strike ending. The Samurai vs. Vikings battle is still undecided.

And now: Grand Funk Railroad!

Music (Part 1)

Merry Christmas! Happy New Year! Happy Whatever-other-holidays-happened-in-the-last-two-weeks! Since new year’s resolution seem to be something of a tradition, I’m resolving to post more regularly. Now that holiday greetings and new year’s resolutions are out of the way, on to the post!

Music, everyone has their own opinion about which types are better. I personally have the same philosophy about music that I have about food, try (almost) everything at least once, there will be some stuff that makes you sick, some stuff that smells horrible, and some stuff that you just don’t like, but if you can sift through the bad stuff there will be lots of really good stuff. Take the heavy metal genre for example, there’s tons of bad metal out there (in fact, there’s several subgenres worth of it, death metal anyone?), but if you look, there also happens to be bands like Blind Guardian (some people don’t like Blind Guardian, but that’s my example and I’m sticking with it) who have great songwriting ability and a vocalist who can actually sing. It’s weird how music has all that variety and most people are only familiar with one or two parts of it.

Music is one of those things I don’t think I could live without (it’s right up there with food and a good supply of books (that is to say, a supply of good books)). I kind of ran out of things to say, so… see you next time!

Stephen

Can you read this?

Terhe is a sutdy tpye tinhg taht syas taht so lnog as the frist and lsat lteters of a wrod are in the rghit palce, you can raed tihs baldy splled carp... wlle, can you?

http://www.homestarrunner.com/answer.html

carpe dementia,

Stephen

New Blog Post

I’m sorry I haven’t updated in so long, but between the Wii, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, Animal Crossing, El Goonish Shive, the new season of Avatar, the fall premieres, Mamma Mia! (the exclamation point is part of the title, BTW), decorating my room, Greek (new show on ABC family, go to abcfamily.com to find out more information whilst you’re wondering how I can plug this show so shamelessly), the new season of How I Met Your Mother, Convincing my mother to let me preorder the new Comedity book (still working on it), the running out of excuses, and all the procrastination, I just couldn’t find the time, but I have now found time to write a new blog post, so without further ado (drum roll)… here… is… the new… blog post!

But first, because I’m sure you all want to see my new reading list, here is my new reading list (we’ll get to the actual post eventually, I swear):

Complete Tales And Poems Of Edgar Allan Poe

Romance of the Three Kingdoms (still haven’t finished, still on book one)

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead

The Collected Stories of Arthur C. Clarke

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (series) (this is my fourth reread, in case you were keeping track)

Here we go with the new post.

In just three sentences the post will be here.

This is one sentence.

This is one other sentence.

Here it is.

I was just thinking about frequently asked questions and how the questions are either asked by people who already know the answers, asked by people who have enough information to figure out the answers themselves (and are, presumably, just very lazy), or not really frequently asked. Doesn’t this make you wonder what a real FAQ and answers thing would look like? My guess is something like this:

Q: where did I leave my car keys?

A: check the glove compartment

Q: mom, why are you making me read To Kill A Mockingbird?

A: because it’s a classic (or some such nonsense)

Q: can I play until I lose?

A: no

Q: can’t I play just one more level?

A: no

Q: can I finish this song?

A: no

Q: would you mind if I played this song really loud?

A: yes, I mind

Q: what?!?!

A: I mind!

Q: talk louder, I can’t hear you over the music!

A: UGH!!!!!!!!

Q: I still can’t hear you

A: never mind

Q: what?!?!

Q: why doesn’t Gifted Gear Reviews update more often?

A: because the author has the attention span of an eleven year old (i.e. he can sit quietly and listen to an entire Nightwish album, but he takes a week to write one blog post… unless he doesn’t want to take a shower:-)

And there you have it, an FAQ that is actually filled with frequently asked questions.

Well, that’s it, I’ll see you next week (or whenever I get around to updating again).

p.s. I would like it to be known that this post was done in three days, not seven

p.p.s. Please send more fan-mail, because the more fan-mail I receive, the more evidence I have fans and the more evidence I have fans, the more I’ll try to update weekly

p.p.p.s. the above is only a theory and thus has yet to be confirmed.

What you didn't know about me....

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Yes, Grandpa Stephen


2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED
There's this song by Tom Smith called "A Boy And His Frog", it's a tribute to the late Jim Henson; it's very sad.



3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
No



4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Cow Tongue



5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
I'm a little young for that sort of thing



6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Yes.



7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
No, I would never be sarcastic, really...



8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes



9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
That depends on where i would be jumping, the experience of the person I would be jumping with, and the likelyhood that I might break something.



10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Rice Chex or Corn Flakes, whichever.



11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
I wear velcro shoes, always.



12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Mentally, yes, physically, no.



13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Mint mixed with strawberry, topped with brownies and crushed snickers bars.



14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? That depends on the person, sometimes it's the song they're playing on their CD player or iPod, and sometimes it's the way they greet me, it's all relative.


15. RED OR PINK?
Whichever.



16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF?
What's not to like?



17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
I'm close to everyone who matters.



18. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Red, bare-foot .


19. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Corn Flakes!



20. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The sound of my own typing and "Bow 2 Me" by The Consortium Of Genius.



21. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Why would i want to be a crayon?



22. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Wasabi and soy sauce.



23. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
My friend,
Eric.


24. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
Yes, Grandma sent this. Without her i wouldn't exist, of course i like her.



25. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Tennis and Curling



26. HAIR COLOR?

Brown.


27. EYE COLOR?
Brown



28. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No, glasses.



29. FAVORITE FOOD?
Unagi on sushi rice.



30. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
I don't like scary movies (i do like creepy movies, though); whether or not I like happy endings depends on the context, if I'm watching something along the lines of Kate & Leopold or Never Been Kissed (both very good; Kate & Leopold is better, though) I want a happy ending, but if I'm watching something closer to The Outer Limits or The Twilight Zone, a happy ending is not preferable (an ironic one is).



31. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
10 Things I Hate About You



32. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Grey



33. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Winter



34. HUGS OR KISSES?
Depends on the person.



35. FAVORITE DESSERT?
Rice.


36. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
N/A



37. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
The Collected Short Stories of Arthur C. Clarke


38. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
A picture of raindrops.



39. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?
Good Eats and Dave The Barbarian.



40. FAVOURITE SOUND?
Good music (I'm especially fond of Queen, They Might Be Giants, Tom Smith, The Consortium Of Genius, Rob Balder, Abba, Luke Ski, Wierd Al, Tom Lehrer, DJ Particle, The Gothsicles, Blind Guardian, Nightwish, Sudden Death, Jefferson Airplane, Simon and Garfunkel, The Consortium Of Genius, Donovan, early Bob Dylan, Pete Seeger, Woody Guthrie, Raymond and Scum, Muddy Waters, Frank Zappa's instrumental stuff, The Kinks, The Who, just about anything by Richard O'Brian, The Consortium Of Genius, Herman's Hermits, The Monkees, Strong Bad, Limozeen, Sloshy, Metallica, Pink Floyd, OK GO, Suzi Quatro, David Bowie, Sweet, Slade, Poison, Quiet Riot, Cinderella, Led Zeppelin, Cream, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Clash, some of The Cure's poppier stuff, The Bee Gees, Bob Marley, U-roy, Jimmy Cliff, The Stone Temple Pilots, The Consortium Of Genius, Run-DMC, The Beastie Boys, The Fresh Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff, LL Cool J, Parliament-Funkadelic, Carrie Dahlby, KC and The Sunshine Band, Kool and The Gang, Live, R.E.M, Jonathan Coulton, The Consortium Of Genius, Murray Gold, Mark Snow, Danny Elfman, Oingo Boingo, Duke Ellington, Shel Silverstein, Steve Martin, Eddie Murphy, The Chipmunks, David Seville, Jim Henson, John Denver, Elton John, Billy Joel, Billy Idol, Sara Evans, The Consortium Of Genius, Sesame Street, Nittle Grasper, Bad Luck, Yoko Kanno, Yoko Ono, John Lennon, John Linnel, Brian Wilson, The Barenaked Ladies, Peter Gabriel, Genesis, Yes, Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Adam Sandler, Iron Butterfly, Tommy James and The Shondells, Joan Jett, The White Stripes, The Killers, Pat Benatar, Chuck Berry, The Penguins, Dion and The Belmonts, Faith Hill, Tim Mcgraw, Dio, Aretha Franklin, Big 'n' Rich, Montgomery Gentry, Merle Haggard, Johnny Cash, Rod Stewart, ELO, Wicked, Grease, Neil Innes, The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band, Monty Python, Eric Idle, Spinal Tap, Prince, Alice Cooper, Screaming Jay Hawkins, the cast of "Whose Line Is It Anyway?", Kiss, Buddy Holly, Jimi Hendrix, Lemon Demon, Lynard Skynard, Bo Diddley, Eagles, Motorhead, AC/DC, and The Consortium of Genius)




41. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
What kind of choice is this? The Rolling Stones are great musicians and good songwriters, but they aren't even close to being what the beatles were, while the beatles are great musicians and great songwriters, but they're somewhat overrated; the real question is "The Who or The Kinks?"



42. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
"Wherever I may roam, where I lay my head is home"



43. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
I'm funny, I'm smart, and I can sing. I am by no means humble, though.



44. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Salem, OR (i think).



45. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
None, but i am looking forward to your comments on my answers.

Also, please visit http://consortiumofgenius.com, they're my new favourite band!

The In Joke Song

This just in: look at my hand, how weird is my hand?

Round and round and round I go

Where am I going? I don't really know

I don't know where I'm going

But I know exactly where I've been

And I bet'cha that some time in the future I'll go back again

(the rest of the song is accompanied by rhythmic banjo and maracas, except, of course, during the drum solo and the big finale)

If art is anything you can get away with

Then this should fit right in

I'm spouting meaningless crap, but I feel alright

If mom says to spit out my gum, then I'll swallow it in spite

The meaning of existence? Why it's 42

The colour of infinity is a kind of darkish blue

Everything wrong with Star Trek is all the fault of Q

When will Duke Nukem Forever come out? I really wish I knew

I got the existential blues and I think they are contagious

Is it just me or is reality outrageous?

Forever is a temporary state, I wonder why?

Could you please excuse me while I kiss the sky?

When it all comes down to it, is it just a lie?

No, I think it's all an in-joke between me, myself, and I

(Drum solo!)

(After the drum solo finishes, the drums keep going while voices chant "I'm Henry the 8 ^th, I'm Henry the 8^th, Henry the 8^th I am" and the maraca player starts banging their maracas together; three chants in the accordionist plays that riff from "Earache My Eye", followed by the keyboardist (me) playing the same riff (only on the keyboard) after that the banjo player plays the riff again (I really do love that riff), and then the bass player plays the exact same riff (go figure))

(30 second bag-pipe solo… and then, um… a drum roll ending with a big finale on the xylophone!)

The Stephen Report

I'm really sorry I haven't been updating [Posting? what's the word for that?] more regularly.

I just couldn't find anything in my life that's worthy of a blog entry, but then I thought "if people are reading about my life anyway, why shouldn't I just give you an update on my life? "

So here it is:

I found a really funny web comic, it's called Brat-Halla (sadly, it has nothing to do with German sausages) and it's about the Norse gods as elementary-schoolers, trust me it's really funny [I don't know the link off the top of my head, but I know it's at graphicsmash.com].

I finally watched Wayne's World, and it is most excellent (it's basically Bill & Ted, without the time-travel), I encourage everyone who hasn't watched it to either A) watch it because you can relate (I would not be surprised if I'm still living with my parents at 20... or 30), B) watch it for the awesome soundtrack, or C) avoid it like the plague, because you don't like bathroom humour [it's spelled with a U! I don't really understand what Americans have against the letter U].

I'm currently on vacation in Missouri.

I'm learning how to play the harmonica, so far I can play the first two lines of "when the saints go marching in" and a bit from "Touch Me" by The Doors.

I'm still working on my book, if I ever finish it I shall start an internet radio show (for which I have even picked out opening and ending themes) and a convention... thing.

The Killers are doing a concert in Houston (September 15), which I will hopefully be able to go to, if I end up going I'll talk about it in my next post afterwards. Rascal Flats is in concert in San Antonio on July 28. They are sooner, closer, and I like them better. Plus they have the added bonus of being one of my mom's favorites. I'll let you know if I get to go. (I didn't get to go, ah well, mom says i would hate going to a concert anyway)

I found a really addicting online game (okgo.net/rescuetheband).

I've been getting into something called wizard rock, the best to explain it is with this math equation: rock music + harry potter + a very geeky mindset = wizard rock, wizrocklopedia.com should explain it. I'm making a list of names I could use if I ever started a band (suggestions are welcome).

I've been watching Yu-Gi-Oh and Naruto The Abridged Series' (Naruto Abridged starts out stupid, but it gets really funny later on).

I went to see Spamalot, it was really hilarious, if a little bawdy (then again, Shakespeare's comedies were pretty bawdy, so there).

Nothing truly exciting has happened in my life lately (with the possible exception of Spamalot), but I figure if the bacon thing is blog worthy, then so is this.

So until next time, don't get your nose hairs caught in a burning trajectory over Moscow

Stephen

P.S. In regards to my last post, Luke Ski did a really funny song on the subject of bacon (lukeski.com under free mp3s).

Bacon!

I think I killed the Subway sandwich guy.
Figuratively. (I'm autistic, not psychotic).

"How can you stand to live with him?" he asked my mother.

Not the most subtle of social cues, but I think I got it.

See, none of you have ever talked to me. Well LindaBeth and Grandma have, but most of you have only read my blog. I get reader compliments for being mature or well-spoken. But, as I've said before, I'm really just well-edited.

What you can't see is how I talk. And I talk. And I talk. I wake up talking to myself and it keeps going until I fall asleep talking to myself (or the tv). I talk with my hands. I talk in parentheticals. I talk in sidebars. I talk in tangents.

It all started innocently enough that day. My mom took me into Subway for lunch. She asked what I wanted to eat. I scanned the menu and.... an obsession was born.

Bacon!

I liked bacon before I saw the menu that day, but that day I had to have it. I mean I HAD to have it. Bacon! I could only see bacon, smell bacon, say bacon.

"What do you want to eat?"
Bacon
"They don't have a bacon sandwich."
Can I have tuna and bacon?
"No. You can't have tuna and bacon. Ick."
Can I have just bacon?
"No, would you like..."
Bacon! Without the bread?
"How about...."
Bacon. Bacon? Bacon!
"I asked, they don't offer a BLT."
Can I have just the B then?
"I don't think so."
But they sell it. I see it. They HAVE bacon.
"How about roast beef?"
With bacon?

Bacon, bacon, bacon!

I honestly don't remember what I got to eat that day. I know it didn't end up having bacon on it, because the Subway sandwich guy couldn't handle it. Mom was laughing and trying to get him to tell us what kind of sandwich that he could make would have bacon on it - but he just couldn't get there. I think he was overwhelmed. I hope he didn't suffer any permanent trauma.

Unfortunately, he couldn't know that most of my conversations are like this. They aren't tantrums, more like enthusiastic begging or rambling. And a little bit of perseveration - when I get stuck on one topic.

It sounds something like this:

Cleanliness is Next to Impossible

I would rather blog about taking a shower than actually take a shower.

Mom told me to go take a shower. I don't want to take a shower. She jokingly suggested that I blog about not wanting to shower.

I finished my lunch and happily walked to the computer.

"What are you doing?"

I am going to blog about taking a shower.

"No, I want you to go take a shower."

I will when I'm done blogging.

"No, go take a shower and while you are in there - think about what you'd like to blog about taking a shower."

~But I want to blog. BLOG! I want to blog. BLOG! blog, blog, blog, I want to blog! ~ (apologies to Twisted Sister).

Actually, I really just don't want to take a shower.

P.S. Yes, I took my shower. Mom was laughing so hard I actually got to blog first.

Yes, I used shampoo and soap.

I'm taking the 5th regarding clean underwear.

Reader Q & A (Take 2)

Howdy folks! I have actually gotten some more questions from readers. Here are my current answers. Check back often, they change regularly. Grin.

1. Have you gotten any gear yet?

Sadly, no. I've been promised a Wii for my birthday - but mom is going to be paying full retail. Ha! I'm still interested in reviewing gear appropriate for gifted kids and kids on the autistic spectrum. So, if anyone knows anyone...... Or if you just have an idea that you want me to write about, let me know!

2. Is your book the fictionalized history of Sekigahara?

No. I do still want to write about the battle of Sekigahara but I haven't done nearly enough research yet. I am working on two separate ideas for books, and I intend to at least write the drafts this year. As you'll see in some of the posts I'm working on - I have been thinking a lot about what is success. Really, how do you define success? And, more importantly, how do you apply popular notions of success to kids like me, kids who have learning disabilities, and kids who are gifted in certain ways?

The other idea is about access of Asperger's kids to all types of entertainment venues. (Lol! I liked the word "thingies" but venue seemed clearer somehow. Did you know that "lol" is a dutch word that conveniently means "fun"? But I digress.... Oh look! An imp!) I like to go to restaurants, movies, plays, amusement parks, etc. Some experiences are better than others. Some places and some workers are better at dealing with people with less than obvious disabilities.

3. How's Texas?

Awesome! The best part of Texas is that I'm here. We didn't have internet access for the first few weeks, but now that we do - I'm back online, baby! We also have a new 56 inch HD TV which is cool for playing games but not so great for Runescape. Pinball in hi-def is cool! I can't wait for the Wii!

4. What is your Runescape name? When do you play?

Jetthead3; all the time!!!! Stop by. Say, "Hi!" Also, look for Mr. IO Man (dad) and Queen Pete (mom) in member's world 116.

5. Did you write the Gilbert & Sullivan piece?

The parody? yes. The original, no. I wasn't invited to be part of their group.

6. What is your current reading list?

I'm not sure. Let me check. I'll be right Bach, or Beethoven, or Weird Al Yankovic..... I'm not sure which. Ok, I am currently reading: (in no particular order)

Artemis Fowls (the series), Eoin Colfer - Worth a good re-read!
Sherlock Holmes: The Sign of Four, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Romance of the Three Kingdoms (Volume I), attributed to Luo Guanzhong
Justice League Unlimited (the series, except for issue 28), DC Kids
The Ultimate Fantastic Four, Brian Michael Bendis and Mark Millar
Gintama (not to be confused with kintama which means "golden balls" and is a Japanese euphemism for testicles), Hideaki Sorachi
Yu-gi-oh! GX, Naoyuki Kageyama
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (series), Douglas Adams - Always a good re-read.

What's on your reading list?

7. Do you take requests?

On what to write about? Absolutely. On behavior, not so much.

8. What is your favorite post so far?

"Count your blessings", September 2006, because it contains my whole life philosophy (both the title and the actual post).

"Don't get your nose hairs in a burning trajectory over Moscow - be happy!"

Stephen

Inappropriate Words

How do words become inappropriate? Through use, misuse, or both?

If I were to say "spam" as an expletive or profanity, you would laugh at me. If I were to curse at all, you would probably laugh at me. Mom wouldn't, she would ground me. But all that is beside the point. Spam that. (For some reason things you wouldn't really want a child to know is always funny - as long as it is not your child). Anyway, if "spam" were to catch on in the context of derogative language - at what point would it become inappropriate?

This week a radio talk show host, Don Imus, made inappropriate comments on a grand scale. He's not even a real "shock jock". Imus is considered more of a mainstream political commentator - although he is one who pushes the envelope of acceptable regularly. Without repeating him, Imus made fun of the Rutgers University women's basketball team. His words were racist and sexist. I wouldn't want him talking about my sister like that. I don't think he should talk about anybody like that.

On Spin City, the characters were discussing a local shock jock's radio show. Mike called it something close to"unadulterated filth that appeals to the lowest members of society" - the unwashed schlubs, as it were. Stewart said, "So, do you watch the show?" Yep. The reason inappropriate words get used is because they get ratings. They have an audience. They get repeated by the masses.

If things get repeated, what's the danger? We become desensitized. We spread the hate. So, we have two choices - make no words taboo or don't say/think hateful things. It would require some serious brainwashing to get people to do either one of those things. It might be worth it, but it would require lots and lots of work.

I think that society should take a lesson from good parenting. If you don't want your children to repeat the bad words you say, don't say them. You don't let them repeat Uncle Scott (the Marine) for instance. If the children learn bad words from somewhere else and say them in front of you, for heaven's sake don't laugh at them or encourage them. Until then, maybe we should put all of society in time out for using inappropriate words.

Stephen

Changes....

I haven't posted for a while because I've been a little busy.

First, I turned 11. Yeah! Second, I moved to Texas with my family. This is really cool because my friends Eric and Kenneth live in Texas and I hope to see them more often. Third, I got to start my 8th grade work (even though I have some math and science left to do in 7th). Fourth, I started a Google Group to email out my posts to my loyal readers (Ha! You know who you are). Fifth, I'm writing a book this year and FINALLY starting my online store. (More on both of those later).

Hope all is well in your world.

Adios!

Stephen

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CNN Satire: Experts call for restrictions on childhood imagination

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/02/21/onion.imagination/index.html

The Family that Slays Together.... Stays Together!

Imagine a family enjoying their holidays together playing games, laughing, telling jokes, slaying monsters.....

That would be my family. Generally, family game night finds Mom, Dad, and my sister sitting together on the couch and me in typing away at my desktop computer in the other room.

I'm not alone, or even excluded from the family activities - we just have three laptop computers on a wireless modem and I prefer the desk model. That's right - we're all questing together in Runescape!

Runescape is a massively multiplayer online role playing game (MMORPG) set in vaguely medieval times in a vast and magical world. Players create and dress an avatar (interesting fashion choices are tolerated) and join others in questing, fighting, treasure hunting, skill building, and general mayhem. Players can progress from newbie status to expert levels in skill sets such as magic, woodcutting, firemaking, mining, thieving, combat, construction, potion-making, and even slaying. Players can interact directly with others and talk, via chat, in real time.

Runescape has become a family obsession. Its more than a little bit addicting. I started playing because my friend Eric, who lives in Texas, finally found a game we could both play online together. My parents, like most of the adults who play, got hooked while checking the game out for safety and appropriateness. The Runescape folks know that this is a popular online destination for kids so they set up safeguards against inappropriate language or real-world contact.

So, I started playing. Then my dad started playing. My sister got an account, which my mom promptly took over when T went back to school on Monday. So, my sister got a second account. My parents pay my monthly membership fee of $5. I earned the membership by building my skills from level 1 to level 30 in main categories such as fishing, wood cutting, fire making, and combat, and cooking. (Apparently, learning to work a process or system (executive functions) to achieve results is a valuable life skill - Who cares? Its fun!)

Truth and Consequences

It is embarrassing, but I feel I owe my readers an apology.

You may have noticed (I hope you noticed) that I haven't posted any blogs since October. Basically, I lost computer privileges because I didn't follow the rules for safe online activity.

Here's what happened:

(Oh, how I wish the names could be changed to protect Me!)

I joined an online forum without telling my parents. I had the bad sense to use my dad's email address for the registration. And, to top it all off, I ended up getting banned from the forum for spamming. I didn't mean to spam the forum, but I got carried away trying to "earn" the title of "Postmonger". "Postmonger" is the forum's notation for any participant who posts more than 340 times. I sent 258 nonsense posts to the forum in a 48-hour period trying to become a postmonger. The forum sent a note to my parents, who promptly took away computer privileges and put me on a, ummmm, behavior modification program.

(That was painful)


So, did I learn any lessons from this incident? YES!

1. It is absolutely not worth it to try to get over on my parents. They always know what I'm doing sooner or later. And they have rules for good reasons (most of the time). Even worse - this was a forum that they would have allowed me to visit if I'd just asked. (I hate irony!)

2. I am irresistibly drawn to the compelling challenge. I don't know whether this is because of my issues with Asperger's, my lack of impulse control, or simply because I'm a goal-oriented/competitive person. The forum administrator probably didn't intend to set up the "postmonger" title as a goal. But to me a title is a title and I had to have it. I hope to channel this positively in terms of completing degrees and achieving my goals - but apparently I have to watch it or I'll go off the deep end on the next pet rock craze.

3. Internet security and safety is no joke. Kids must let their parents know where they go online and who they talk to - in chat rooms, forums, and by email. Things aren't always what they seem online. That cool kid on Runescape could actually be an unemployed truck driver from New Jersey.

4. And finally, it was probably not a good idea to list "stalking" as one of my hobbies. Jokes don't always translate well online. It wasn't true, but still not a great idea.

Stay safe out there!

Stephen

PS If anyone wants to talk to me about this, leave a comment and I'll post back or email me at giftedgear@gmail.com.

Once more, with feeling....

(Although I really like this one, I didn't write it)

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their famous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer ! I need something I can use to write proposals track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later) ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START"......

With Apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan...

I am the very model of a minor, twice exceptional,
About which science theories are misleading and deceptional.
You’ll find I’m very funny, sarcastic, and rhetorical,
I enjoy a good debate and conversations, metaphorical.
I’m well versed in mythology and Physics, theoretical,
With quantum realities, literal and hypothetical.
You’ll find me residing here on the continuum Autistic,
With interests eclectic and diversified; I’m Gifted, not simplistic!

Give my regards to Broadway!

Stephen

Musical Theater and Exercises in Futility

My sister is a talented and gifted artist. She sings, dances, acts, draws, sculpts, etc., etc. My friends assure me that she is beautiful (their word is "Hot!", but it doesn't seem quite right to me). She is also very funny. Think Avril Lavigne, Lucille Ball, and Cinderella all rolled up into one with more than a dash of Xena, Warrior Princess, thrown in.

What I've noticed, though, is that wherever my sister goes - there are lots of other pretty girls and very few boys. Thinking that this might make it easier for me to meet girls, I decided to go with her to Musical Theater class. (Plus, I thought it would have the added benefit of getting my mom off my back about learning to dance.) It didn't work out quite that way.

It never occurred to me that Musical Theater class would be difficult for me. I've always loved music and I'm a pretty good singer. First, class was loud. The girls were chatting and they played the same music over and over. Second, I felt out of place. It wasn't that I was a boy. More, they pretty much ignored me. The teacher was friendly, but when I couldn't bring myself to participate fully she went on with the class.

Why couldn't I participate fully? I recently read an article by Temple Grandin about her experience with autism. Dr. Grandin noted that she experiences difficulties with rhythm, timing, and musicality. She and other authors also believe that with autism and Asperger's Syndrome comes a higher degree of anxiety. I do feel anxious a lot. Doctors and teachers (two of my biggest triggers) really make me nervous. I've been having some trouble in my voice lessons with focusing on one song, understanding the timing of the music, and performing. I never thought that these might be symptoms of the Asperger's, but what if they are?

How do I get past these drawbacks and really pursue the things I like? Granted, musical theater is not going to be one of those things. But hopefully, my music, girls (in the future!), and even performing with a band will be things I can pursue without anxiety sooner, rather than later.

Have a great week.

Dedicated to Dr. R. (You KNOW who you are!)

So, a guy is flying in a hot air balloon. He's lost. He lowers himself down over a field and yells to a guy there:

Balloon guy (BG): Can you tell me where I am and which way I'm headed?

Ground guy (GG): Sure. You're at 43 degrees, 2 minutes, 12 seconds north; 135 degrees, 17 minutes, 3 seconds east. You're at 324 meters above sea level. Right now, you're hovering, but on your way here you were at a vector of 244 degrees and 3.2 meters per second .

BG: Amazing. Thanks. By the way, do you have Asperger's Syndrome?

GG: Geeze! I do! But how did you know that?

BG: Well, everything you told me is incredibly accurate, you've given me more detail than I need, but you've told me in a way that makes it completely useless to me!

GG: Huh. Are you a clinical psychologist?

BG: I am! But how the heck did you know that????

GG: You don't know where you are, and you don't know where you're going. You got where you are by blowing hot air. You put labels on people after asking them a few questions. And, you're in exactly the same spot you were 5 minutes ago, but now, somehow, it's my fault!

Count your blessings!

I'm really glad I ended up being me!

Life List

I watch the Ellen Degeneres talk show sometimes. She's been talking a lot about life lists this season.

I want a life list. They seem useful. Like, I might grow up and forget what I want to do with my life. And, imagine having a list to tell me what I haven't done yet. I tried relying on mom, but she only remembers undone chores. Not so much fun.

Anyway, here are the things that are on my life list right now:

1. Learn to make sushi.
2. Invent time travel.
3. Learn capoeira.
4. Meet Stephen Hawking and Dr. J. Richard Gott.
5. Direct a Sci-Fi romantic comedy movie.
6. Write a Sci-Fi romantic comedy movie.
7. Sing with the Penguins and Chuck Berry.
8. Go to the Olympics and watch Beach Volleyball and Curling .
9. Learn Japanese.
10. Write an historical fiction of the Battle of Sekigahara.
11. Take my cousins to Disney World.

Why do I want to do these things? Well, first - I have to eat something when I grow up. It might as well be really good. Who wants to get stuck eating macaroni and cheese for years until they learn how to cook? With sushi, I won't ever have to cook!

I'm actually making progress in the time travel department. So far, I've figured out how to travel to the future - one second at a time. Just kidding. Actually, I'm serious about time travel. Dr. Gott's book, "Time Travel Through Einstein's Universe" is one of my all time favorite theoretical physics books. Actually, its one of my favorite books period.

I'm just getting started on my life list. I reserve the right to change my mind in the future.

Hasta la vista!

Stephen

Reader Q & A

Well, I really want to do a Reader Q&A post, but we've got very few Q and only slightly more A.

One of the big questions I've been asked is:

Q. "Why 'Gifted Gear'"?

A. First, its an homage to 'Guilty Gear' - the rock and roll fighting game. (Which may be the weirdest fighting game I've ever seen - but I enjoy it.) Second, I was really trying to do a sort of geek site where I would do reviews on actual toys, games, electronics, that gifted kids would enjoy. Honestly, I'd hoped to make a little money on a related site with links to the stores that sell the item and, eventually, get FREE stuff and become a gear Beta tester. But, I'm having a lot of fun blogging, so I may never get the other web site up. (FREE stuff is still accepted!)

Related Q. "Why are you writing about Asperger's instead of Gear?"

Related A. Well, they say write what you know. The closest I've been to gear, so far, is my computer and my GameCube controller. The first people kind enough to read my blog sent feedback indicating that I might actually develop a readership if I talked about what life is like as a gifted, Asperger's kid. Luckily, I do enjoy writing about my life. My life is fun. It would be even more fun with more gear though. (See above!)

Well, that gets us started. If you have more questions, comments, suggestions, or
FREE gear - please email me at giftedgear@gmail.com.

Stephen

Asperger's Syndrome and Me

Although you have to meet me to be able to define me (and I haven’t done so completely, yet), I have collected various labels in my 10 years. Some labels are rather obvious – boy, kid, and glasses-wearer. Some are not so obvious – procrastinator, best friend, and smart. Asperger’s Syndrome is different than all of these. I like to call it a “personality effect.” This is “defect” without the “d”.

The clinical definition of Asperger’s Syndrome is “a developmental disorder in which people have difficulties understanding how to interact socially,” according to www.WebMD.com. “People with Asperger's syndrome have some traits of autism, especially weak social skills and a preference for sameness and routine. However, unlike those with autism, children with Asperger's syndrome usually start to talk around 2 years of age (the age at which speech normally develops). They have normal to above-normal intelligence.”

I started school at age 5, going to a public school kindergarten at Fort Lewis, Washington. Although I was ahead of my classmates academically, I had trouble with the social structure of class. I talked too much and didn’t participate in activities. I switched to a private church school, Evergreen Christian Academy, in October. I liked Evergreen. I didn’t do my class work, I played by myself at recess, and I spent a lot of time in the office talking to the principal. She was the first person to suggest that I might be autistic (not that I knew that at the time).

In the summer of 2002, my family moved to Heidelberg, Germany. I attended Patrick Henry Elementary School on post. My first grade class was a German immersion class. I was very frustrated with the lack of translation and communication between English and German. Frau B. was frustrated with me. She didn’t believe that I should get extra challenges because, after all, I didn’t know German. In January of that year I was bumped to second grade. That was fun as long as I remembered when, exactly, to use my library pass to escape my frustrated teacher. Mr. H.’s class was much better. It was in English (which is major), and he was easier to get along with.

I met Eric, Ms. P, and Mari that year. Eric is my best friend, but we are exact opposites. We had “gifted” classes and cub scouts together. Ms. P was the TAG (talented and gifted) program. She has very little imagination, to my way of thinking – but I liked her. She wasn’t exactly sure what to do with Eric and me. Mari was the Special Education teacher. She was SPECIAL (as in absolutely terrific!). She was my first introduction to Elvis. She “had my number” from day one, and liked me anyway. I spent the next year in third grade and started fifth grade in my third year of school, all the while doing TAG and Special Ed. In Special Ed, I worked on social skills. I helped other students, played games, went fishing, popped popcorn, and danced with Mari. Life was great!

My parents pulled me out of public school in January, 2005, because it was just painful being in class. I was in trouble all the time for talking and not participating, and I was lonely when Eric moved to Texas. I tried, but I couldn’t seem to do anything right at school. The PHES Vice Principal, Ms. P ( a different one), gave me lots of support and personal attention but I really could not function in the classroom without somebody sitting next to me and helping every minute of every day. I started taking classes at CMA. I like CMA because its online (giving me yet another excuse to be on the computer) and the coursework is fun. I really like all of the mentors I’ve met and worked with: Linda Beth, Lisa T., Diane E., and Kim A.. My main mentor, Linda Beth, also seems to "have my number" and I believe that she likes me too. Even better, I really seem to fit in with the other students of all ages.

Asperger’s Syndrome is not something that you can see when you look at me. At home I don’t notice it much. Everybody is odd at home, at least at my home. Out in public, my biggest social skills challenge is shaking hands and when strangers, usually older adults, try to touch me (not in any inappropriate way – just rubbing my head or patting my shoulder). At first I shrugged, ducked, and swatted their hands away. Then I cut down on the swatting and tried waving “hello.” I figured if I said hi first, they wouldn’t offer to shake hands. Now, I just put up with it. It’s a good strategy because it works without embarrassing anybody.

Other coping strategies I’ve used or heard of are “So?,” buzz off cards, and “get out of line free” pass. “So?” is a strategy I use when someone is bugging me. Its amazing how annoyed bullies get when you respond to their taunts with “so?” or “why?”. Buzz off cards are business cards that parents can give to a stranger when an autistic kid has a tantrum in public and they want to explain the behavior without actually taking the time to define autism. I don’t think they actually say “buzz off”, that’s just what my parents called them. We’ve never used them since I don’t have tantrums in public, but they sound really effective. The “get out of line free” pass is my favorite. At amusement parks, like Disney World or Six Flags, I get a disability pass that allows me to skip the long lines waiting for rides. That’s cool because I don’t have to wait in long, loud, hot lines with strangers pressing in on all sides.

I consider Asperger’s to be something that has an effect on my personality. But, I don’t consider it a disability. In fact, I’m rather enjoying myself. If it wasn’t for Asperger’s, I’d still be in public school as a 4th grader. Asperger’s is an opportunity in many ways. It gives me more quality time with my parents and it operates as a “get out of line free” card for me.

Parental Supervision and Nutjob Cultists

Brian Clevinger writes a webcomic called "8-bit Theater" that is what exactly what my blog would be without parental supervision. (www.nuklearpower.com)

"8-bit Theater" is the ultimate in web-based video game parody. The characters are drawn from Final Fantasy, the jokes are drawn from gaming culture (and hormonal male adolescence), and the storyline picks up where the original game never began. In short, Clevinger adds an actual, original story to the game premise of providing an excuse to mow down large numbers of randomly encountered monsters.

I read "8-bit Theater" for a while before I showed it to my parents. The strip has blood, sexual references, and some cursing. I really didn't think that my parents would understand or appreciate the humor involved or let me keep reading the strip.

So, what made me finally show "8-bit Theater" to my parents? Last night I read the most hilarious comic and I needed to share the joke with my mom. Actually, I needed to use the joke to make fun of my mother. One of the characters, Red Mage, is granted a last request by the Evil Villain Cult People. (See Episodes 739 and 740).

Red Mage: "At any given point in history there are doomsday cults. Such as yourselves. For a thousand years your kind has striven for and preached an end of times that will never be."

Villain: "Your question?"

Red Mage: "My question is, What's it LIKE to be as stupid as you are ugly?"

Villain: [Here the character delivers a HUGE monologue on the nature of beauty encompassing 3/4 of the comic that is somewhat boring, but is more entertaining in comic form than if I typed it here.]

Red Mage: "I was being RHETORICAL."

Villain: "Sorry. I was a philosophy major, so nutjob cultist is the only job I can hold."

Mom actually took the joke pretty well. Dad was rolling on the floor laughing (actually it was the couch, but you get the idea). Mom WAS a philosophy major in college. I guess Dad could easily see her being a nutjob cultist too.

Actually, she would be the god worshipped by the nutjob cultist. She's that kind of control freak. No, thats not true either - but my parents are seriously overprotective. Parental supervision is not completely overrated, but its still somewhat annoying. For example, I couldn't read, see, or play Pokemon until I was 9. My sister and I have had to practice self defense techniques (all well and good until she uses them to hurt me). And, I'm not allowed to stay home alone for more than 15 minutes.

So, imagine my surprise when my parents read "8-bit Theater" and decided I could continue reading it myself. They said that it was as if I had invented time travel and was showing them what my work in the future would be. They also said that the blood and gore is indistinctly (I say poorly) drawn; the sexual references are infrequent and juvenile (and Mom particularly likes the fact that White Mage routinely kicks Black Mage around for being inappropriate); and the cursing is no worse than I hear from Uncle Scott (the Marine). I also know that they believe that their job is to prepare me to make good decisions, no matter what the circumstances.

So, now my behavior is my responsibility? What nutjob cultist came up with that idea?!?!?!?!?!

What's on Your Reading List?

What are you reading this summer? Do you read one book at a time? Or many?

I tend to read a lot of books at once. My mom reads one at a time - currently Wicked by Gregory Maguire. I can tell she's having trouble getting excited about it because she didn't finish it in 2 hours. My dad reads a lot of magazines and special reports. Fortunately for me, we like a lot of the same magazines - Wired, PC Magazine, and anything about computers. I have subscriptions to Boy's Life, Reader's Digest, and Shonen Jump (and I'm lobbying hard for Electronic Gaming Monthly).

My parents aren't too fussy about what I read. They very rarely put anything totally off limits forever, but things that are really inappropriate aren't negotiable. For example, when I read the prologue to Wicked, Mom asked me to wait before finishing the book. She thinks the author has some mature themes going and she wants to see how they resolve before letting me read it. So I have some hope of reading it soon. On the other hand, I won't be allowed to read any graphic, horror, or hentai manga in this lifetime.

Even when I am allowed to buy a book, I won't always get to read it. When I was 5, I read the first Harry Potter books. I had to stop reading them when I stopped behaving at school. Of course we later found out that I have Asperger's with ODD (oppositional/defiant traits) so that may have had something to do with my school troubles - but just in case Harry, Ron, and Hermione were the culprits encouraging me to disregard rules and defy adult authority, mom and dad pulled the books until 2nd grade.

Mom used to read every book before I did. Now, we both know the authors and types of books that I like, so I have carte blanche in most areas. She only pre-screens manga, non-child oriented literature, and some science fiction. (Yet, she always gets to the Harry Potter books first!) I personally stay away from books about demons, Germanic fairy tales, and anything with a pink cover. (Pink is the color of evil! Just Kidding). I've been known to have nightmares after reading something scary - even up to a week later. For example, the Erlking scared me to death. When I start shaking, crying, and can't sleep, I use a breathing relaxation technique to calm down and I repeat the Abbott and Costello "Who's on First" routine over and over in my head. If these things don't work, I go wake up my parents! (Sometimes its good to be a kid)

I am currently reading or re-reading the following (in no particular order, except Manga First!):

Naruto, Masashi Kishimoto
Hikaru no Go, Yumi Hotta
TeniPuri, Takeshi Konomi
Yuyu Hakusho, Yoshihiro Togashi
Trigun, Yasuhiro Nighto
The Chronicles of Narnia, C.S. Lewis
The Tempest, William Shakespeare
Caves of Steel, Isaac Asimov (The Robot Series)
The Complete Calvin and Hobbes, Bill Watterson
Del Tora Quest, Emily Rodda
The Universe in a Nutshell, Stephen Hawking
The Ultimate Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams (The Series)
Time Travel in Einstein's Universe, J. Richard Gott
The Cuckoo's Egg, Cliff Stoll
A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court, Samuel Clemens

Keep turning those pages!

Stephen

Twice Gifted

Twice gifted is a term used for discussing and labeling gifted and talented children with special needs. Now, I'm not much for discussing and labeling - especially since usually I'm the one who is being discussed and labeled around my house (and these discussions are about me not with me, but more on that later).

Most of the gifted and talented kids I know have other issues (like parents, ha!). Twice gifted kids not only have issues, they have actual learning disabilities and other special needs. By special needs, I mean diagnoses such as autism, Asperger's, ADD, ADHD, dyslexia, etc.

You think this is unlikely?

Christa McAuliffe Academy

The best advice given to aspiring writers is usually - Write what you know. At first glance, I'd say that advice is pretty limiting. The life of a 10 year old is pretty much school, family, and recreation. So, it seems fitting that in reviewing great gear for gifted kids my first post should be about something I know well - my school.

Christa McAuliffe Academy (www.cmacademy.org) is a fully accredited online school that is ideal for gifted students. It is ideal because it offers individual attention from professional educators in an environment that is self paced and focused on special interests.

I began attending CMA in January 2005 after many years of struggling in the public school system. I was a 4th grader when I started and am now in the middle of 7th grade. The courses are a combination of online work - taking classes and tests on a secure website and meeting with my teacher and classmates in a secure private classroom with voice and video capability - and offline work - including research, writing, art and physical education.

The best thing about CMA, from my perspective, is the ability to study things I'm interested in. Just this summer I've learned about African American history in Virginia, capoeira (afro-Brazilian martial art), Shakespeare (I'm reading the Tempest), video game design, and Japanese robotics. Even the things I'm not really interested in aren't too bad at CMA. This spring, for example, I had trouble with 6th grade fractions. Ugh! My teacher met with me online everyday and helped me work the problems until I really understood them.

I think CMA is the perfect school for a talented and gifted kid because it doesn't matter whether you are an overachiever, underachiever, or have special needs like me (I have a mild form of autism called Asperger's Syndrome), the classes can be formatted to draw on your strengths and strengthen your weaknesses.

If you are interested in learning more about the online learning experience that could be your gifted and talented kid's best opportunity at Christa McAuliffe Academy (www.cmacademy.org), tell them Stephen sent you!

Sayonara!

Grand Opening!

Welcome to Gifted Gear Reviews.

This space is dedicated to presenting my thoughts and opinions about the gear available to stimulate the minds and interests of gifted children.

Why should you care about my opinions? All I have to offer on the subject is personal experience, but that experience is exactly why I can tell you whether something is likely to educate, entertain, or amuse the gifted child in your life.

My name is Stephen. I'm 10 years old and considered bright (and sometimes annoying, but that's another story). I am currently finishing the 7th grade and for fun I enjoy high school and college courses and clubs. My academic interests are theoretical and quantum physics, Japanese language and culture, and reading. I'm also into creative writing, anime and manga, tennis, curling, and video game design.

I hope you enjoy reading my comments regarding the various items selected for profiling here. If you have any comments, suggestions, or concerns feel free to post them or send them to me at GiftedGear@GMail.com. My parents screen every email, but will make sure that I can answer your questions.

Thanks and have a great day!

Stephen